This month I’ve decided to mainly dedicate my blog to the theme of love. This coming week we will find ourselves dealing with Valentines Day or as I know it, happy singles day! It is also half term so I will be posting daily this week with crafts, recipes and blogs relating to love, dating and relationships! Daily blogging scares me a little bit but I want to give it a whirl!
To start with I thought that I’d let you revel in the fun that is my dating history – there’s not much of it but what there is, is quite entertaining! I can’t believe I’m actually going to tell you some of these stories but I am nothing if but honest!
Dating was something I was always nervous about, I went to an all girls secondary school so to some extent boys were aliens to me! But when I was 16/17 I went on my first proper date, a guy I met when buying a pair of shoes in Dune. That date went quite well and I saw him several times after but he was older than me and was heading off to uni. Because he was the first guy I had ever dated, I was filled with the idealism of movie love so of course, I decided to write a letter to him declaring how much I was falling for him before he left. If I remember correctly, I decided to include some song lyrics for effect because in the films this works right?! – literally cringing as I confess to this! Later that week I received a text from him saying he got the letter and had to pay for the pleasure of reading it because I’d forgotten to put a stamp on it hahaha the shame! He didn’t mention the song lyrics thank god and we stayed in touch for a while but needless to say, it went no further!
Then there was the blind date with a friends boyfriends best mate. This was never going to go well because in the lead up we had text a lot and through text we got on really well. But as soon as he picked me up I knew it was going to be a disaster. He was so nervous and on edge and obviously not the person he portrayed via text – that was the trouble then, we hadn’t sent photos, or Skyped or checked out each others face books pages, so it had been easy to construct messages and carefully think what to say. It was one of the most awkward dates in history – he talked about cars, mechanics, bikes, football – like I was one of his blokey mates. It was so bad I even said I was too full for a pudding in order for it to be over quicker! Main course and home please! Then he tried to kiss me in the car when he dropped me off, if you’ve ever tried to dodge a kiss, you’ll know how cringe worthy that situation was and needless to say we never spoke again.
Luckily after those two disasters I met the man that I would come to be with for nearly five years, I won’t go into it because we obviously aren’t together now although we stayed in touch for years after. He was the one that made me believe in love, trust and romance and I have the best memories of our time together.
Very unprofessionally I then went on several dates with one of my trainee teachers brother, to be fair she set us up! She is now one of my best friends and we laugh about this situation lots. I got on really well with him but we weren’t compatible, it’s funny how you discover what will put you off someone – in this case it was him biting his nails through the entirety of the film we went to see. I can’t even remember the film title because I was just fixated on the biting situation! Awful.
I then tried internet dating. Even then there were proper idiots online only after one thing and not interested in anything else. But I did find one gem amongst them all. This was whilst I was on jury service and he was a well needed distraction from everything that was going on. We talked on the phone a lot, text, emailed and met up several times. After a few dates we agreed there was no physical attraction there but we got on so well that we became really good friends. He loved travelling, cricket and Strictly – even did some dance lessons and loved the old ladies he got partnered with. Although I only knew him for a year, he was one of the good guys. Tragically he was killed, hit by a car, just a few months before he was planning to go travelling around Australia. Luckily, although I hadn’t met them, I connected with some of his amazing friends who met me for lunch one day which I will always be grateful for. He was proof that internet dating can unveil some pretty amazing people who you can make connections with, romantically or not and I will be forever grateful to have had him in my life if only for a little while.
Then I entered the phase of being set up on several more blind dates. All made possible by my very own Cilla – the ‘best!’ friend who has the nail biting brother!! Two set ups actually came to fruition, one that should go down in history as the most cringe worthy date EVER!
We met at Bluewater, I’d made an effort as one does, to look nice. He on the other hand, for some unknown reason, chose to wear a t-shirt bought at Sea World with a dolphin photograph on, hence why he will be forever known amongst my group of friends as dolphin man! I couldn’t not mention it and commented on how I loved dolphins and had also been to Sea World, to which to replied by pulling on the bottom where the SeaWorld logo was and proudly stating he’d been there too and it was the best day of his life! We then sat down for our meal, conversation didn’t flow too easily because he did most of it, which if you know me is a little unusual! Between main and pudding (yup, we made it to pudding here!) he took out his phone and asked me to choose which set of his photos I wanted to look through – sunsets or cats! I promptly told him I wasn’t a cat lover so sun sets would be my choice. He looked like I had punched him square in the mouth, he was disgusted that I didn’t like cats but still handed over the phone and I dutifully scrolled through the HUNDREDS of sun set photos while he talked about where they had been taken!
I somehow managed to move the conversation onto family and friends and I think I spoke a few sentences before we lent forward across the table, looked at me meaningfully in the eyes and asked, “have you suffered any bereavements lately?” I mean….what the actual…?! I said luckily not recently but he then went on to talk for about half an hour about the loss of his mum, how she suffered, died, the funeral… the whole shebang. I felt so uncomfortable but I guess he needed to vent. Luckily pudding arrived at this point although that didn’t stop him talking about other past bereavements he’d suffered! At one point I stopped eating my lemon tart to have a sip of my drink and in slow motion styley he took this opportunity to lean over the table once more and take a huge swipe with his fork at MY pudding and gleefully chow down on it!! “I hadn’t finished that!” I said, “I know, but I thought we were at the sharing stage!” Seriously, how did you reach that conclusion??
The bill then arrived to my delight (by this stage I have been pinching myself to stop the giggles coming out at the pure insanity of what I was experiencing) but no offer came of bill paying..maybe that’s my fault, old fashioned first date rules? So not only had I had to endure that shocking date, I also had to pay half the bill for the pleasure! Now comes the piece de resistance, we come to say goodbye as our cars, thankfully, are parked in different directions. I went to kiss him on the cheek and say goodbye because after all. at heart I really am a nice person! However, he put his arms around me and held on far too tightly and for far too long, nuzzled in, found my ear and whispered in a kind of serial killer way, “You’re exceptionally beautiful.” And kissed my ear, cheek and even tried for the lips. I think he could tell by me leaning back so far that he needed to let go at this point! In any other scenario, on a good date, with attraction, that type of comment would be greatly received but in that way, with that man, with that t-shirt, no. Just no. After retelling this story to my friends and family, ‘Cilla’ then tells me he was also wearing that t-shirt when she met him at the BBQ – seriously??!! Why did I then let her set me up again?!
Next time I decided I needed support so we set up a group situation – a pub quiz with two of my friends and two of his. To be fair, it was a fun night but they were a bit laddy for me, I know, I’m picky eh?! It just wasn’t my kind of banta – “what’s your best naked uni story?” just isn’t my kind of conversation and maybe I’m odd, but I didn’t actually have one to contribute to that discussion! Then they wanted us to pull sickies so we could drink more wine and get bladdered – again, just not my cup of tea! Nice guys, just not my type of nice guys!
And since then, apart from a few Tinder conversations, dating has been put on pause. Especially since becoming ill and bald, dating seems like a far away planet that is out of my reach. On top of all the usual dating woes, I now have to overcome the issues of fatigue and baldness. Now just isn’t dating time territory for me. I need to concentrate on me, but at 30, that makes me so sad. In many ways I’m glad I’m not with anyone because I would be no good as a girlfriend at the moment and I wouldn’t have coped well with being dumped because of being ill and bald. But then there are so many times when I wish I was with someone who I could confide in, have a cuddle with, be taken care of. I know I’m lucky to have my friends and family around but it’s a different kind of love and care with a boyfriend. I think being ill has heightened my wishful thinking for that life I’d planned for myself – finding someone to settle down with, build a life with, travel with, have children with. I worry that that is something else that is unachievable now but along with everything else I am hopeful about, this is still on the list. One day, maybe, hopefully.
So there you have it, it’s not extensive like some others would be but that’s okay. I used to feel ashamed by that, not having a big dating and relationship history but I’m not now. I made an amazing friend, I had one long, treasured relationship and several funny experiences. Yes I may be picky but I am a strong minded woman who knows what she likes and doesn’t like in a man and that’s okay too. I’d rather be selective and wait for the right one to come along and that’s just my preference.
I bet you all have some funny dating stories – I’d love to hear them, comment below but keep it clean people! See you tomorrow, have a fab day.